... testing testing...

So I highly doubt anyone who is reading this is not already familiar with the hipster canon. I also highly doubt anyone is reading this. There's no need for me to subject Ted Leo, LCD Soundsystem, or Lightning Bolt to this exercise. So I will endeavor to bring you pithy scripts on emerging/esoteric bands. Here we go.

Caribou... Boards of Canada meets Simon and Garfunkel meets Grateful Dead and they're standing around, all holding the edge of a big blanket with someone sitting in the middle, and they're making it loose and then quickly taut to propel one partier into the air repeatedly (we're not actually seeing this, but someone filmed the whole episode and we're watching the good times in slightly slow-mo; the lengthy grins the Sunday hovering!)

Professor Murder... Liquid Liquid meets The Clash meets some cool dub guy I've never heard of (of which there are many, I know) and they are all wearing high water blue dickies and white t-shirts and they are on the beach eating ceviche and Mike told just told a joke and everyone's laughing.

Jaga Jazzist... Broken Social Scene meets Tortoise meets Sigur Ros and they are hanging out with Squarepusher (that's cheating!) on a roof in Williamsburg and it's the middle of the summer and cars zoom by on the bridge and everyone's wearing shorts and I'm there and I am staring at the Domino factory, wishing I lived in that glass cube and grew the juiciest pineapples ever.